


Next Time I'll Be Braver, I'll Be My Own Saviour

by AngelWithAStory



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman: Streets of Gotham
Genre: Aftermath, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Dominance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Homophobia, I'm so mean to him, M/M, Nightmares, Poor Colin, Recovery, Self-Defense, Sexual Assault, Swearing, Trauma, high T rating, semi-graphic assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-16
Updated: 2014-01-16
Packaged: 2018-01-09 00:00:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1139044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelWithAStory/pseuds/AngelWithAStory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Just leave me alone." Colin almost shouted, gripping the sides of the sink so hard his knuckles went white. He didn't even bother to turn around and see who was there. Colin's eyes were firmly set on the sink and his paling knuckles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Next Time I'll Be Braver, I'll Be My Own Saviour

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry!  
> I had minor surgery yesterday and since I am in physical pain, the only way I can vent it is by being very mean to a character I adore with all my heart :/ 
> 
> Guest star: Stephanie Brown.  
> I want more fics with her and Colin interacting :(

"Just leave me alone." Colin almost shouted, gripping the sides of the sink so hard his knuckles went white. He didn't even bother to turn around and see who was there. Colin's eyes were firmly set on the sink and his paling knuckles. 

"Colin?" A soft voice asked, sounding open and unthreatening. Colin's grip tightened reflexively. 

"Go away." Colin repeated, still not turning around. 

"Colin, what did they do?" The person continued, not moving. 

"JUST GO AWAY DAMIAN!" Colin shouted. His voice reverberated off the walls but there was no anger behind the words; more desperation. 

Damian walked over to him, resting his hand on Colin's shoulder hesitantly. 

"Look at me." Damian said softly. Colin's jaw clenched and he turned his head to look at Damian. 

Damian's eyes widened as he took in the bruises and red marks blooming along Colin's exposed skin. He didn't want to think about the marks he couldn't see. 

"Who did this to you?" Damian demanded, his voice void of emotion. 

"It doesn't-" Colin began, looking away again. Damian stopped him by gently resting his hand on Colin's cheek, forcing him to meet his eye. 

"Who did this, Colin?" Damian repeated, softer this time. 

"I don't know. Just some guy who had something against me. I guess he didn't like what he heard. Or just wanted to take advantage." Colin admitted, dropping his gaze. 

"What do you mean?" Damian asked. 

"I-I came out. I didn't want to but somehow people found out and now everyone knows." Colin said. His eyes flittered back to Damian and away in the blink of an eye. "Do you... You hate me now, don't you?" 

"Of course I don't hate you, Colin." Damian said, a little back-handedly, as if he felt Colin was being an imbecile again. "What on Earth would make me hate you?"

"The fact that I'm gay, maybe." Colin spat, feeling anger and resentment well-up inside him. 

"And that changes anything?" Damian asked. 

"What if- what if I told you the reason I knew I was gay is because I... because I like you?" Colin asked hesitantly. " _Like_ like you." 

"That still doesn't change anything." Damian reassured him. "It just means we feel the same towards each other." 

"What?" Colin's eyes shot up and Damian now had his full attention. A very small smile was on Damian's lips as he met Colin's eyes. 

 

 

_"Hey, you're Colin, right?" Someone asked, causing Colin to snap out of his thoughts. The changing rooms were nearly empty now after practice and Colin tugged his shirt back over his head._

_"Er, yeah that's me." Colin replied. The boy standing in front of him was an inch or two taller with sandy blonde hair. Colin could tell that even though he may be at a disadvantage height-wise, he almost certainly had the upper hand in strength._

_"The one who came out yesterday?" The boy elaborated._

_"Yeah."_

_"Can I ask you something?" The boy said. Colin blinked at him._

_"Sure." He said uncertainly. He heard the door close and assumed that he was now alone with this boy._

_"Beg for me." The boy's voice suddenly turned commanding and he stepped into Colin's personal space, pushing him against the wall of the changing room._

_"What- get away from me!" Colin demanded, pushing the boy away forcefully. He tripped over a loose panel and fell on his back._

_Unfortunately, Colin underestimated the boy. He felt fingers grip his hair and his head was suddenly colliding with the wall. His vision blurred and he felt tears form along his eyelids._

_The boy fisted his hands in Colin's shirt. Colin felt himself be dragged into the adjoining bathroom and into one of the stalls. A small click brought him to his senses._

_His heart started pounding against his ribs when he felt the cold wall behind him and the warm body of the boy he didn't even know the name of, pressing against him._

_"I said, beg for me." The boy repeated, making his body flush against Colin's._

_"Get off!" Colin shouted, pushing the boy off of him firmly. The boy just stepped back towards him and grabbed his wrists, pinning them to the wall above his head._

_"Now, that's not nice." He muttered, dragging his teeth down and along Colin's collarbone. An involuntary shudder ran through Colin and a groan rose in his throat._

_He hated himself for that._

_He wanted to activate the venom. To beat the nameless kid off and run away. But he was panicking at this point._

_He couldn't concentrate. All his thoughts were of the fact that his hands were pinned down and that his heart was beating too fast and that his escape route was blocked._

_His claustrophobia was locked in high gear and it didn't help that right now the boy was holding his wrists with one hand while the other started exploring his chest under his shirt._

_"Stop struggling, someone might hear." The boy hissed, hooking his index finger along the waist of his jeans._

_"No! Get off!" Colin shouted, trying his hardest to calm down and activate the venom. His breathing became heavy._

_"_ Shhhh _," The boy hissed, covering Colin's mouth with his hand. His fingertips were pressing hard against his skin. Colin felt his wrists begin to bruise._

_Colin was forced to breathe through his nose and made himself calm down._

_"There. That's better isn't it. Now be a good boy and stay quiet." The boy cooed, taking away the hand from his mouth and quickly replacing it with his own lips._

_Colin's body tensed as a tongue was in his mouth. It was too aggressive and Colin felt the cold panic creep back up on him. He bit down as hard as he could but it didn't have the desired effect. The kiss became rougher and slicker._

_Colin tried to knee him but his thighs were pinned down by the other boy's legs._

_Fingernails clawed down his neck, leaving light pink marks in their wake. His head hit against the wall with the force of the dominance in the kisses._

_The claws trailed down his abdomen slowly, reaching his waistband. He felt the boy's hand linger and start to pull at the zip._

_"Get...the...fuck...away...from...me!"Colin demanded, panting between words. He managed to turn his head away enough to breathe again. All of his strength was channelled into trying to tug his hands free. But somehow, the boy was managing to hold on._

_"But it's almost over." The boy said, undoing the button of Colin's jeans. He placed his hand on Colin's hip and briefly let go of his wrists._

_But before Colin could fight back, the boy turned him around and pushed him back against the wall. His cheek was smushed against the cold tiles awkwardly and his arm was being wrenched up behind his back. A sharp stabbing pain was shooting through his shoulder while his other hand was braced against the wall. He felt a hand on his hip and fingers digging into his pelvis, dragging it away from the wall. The waistband of his jeans was being tugged down along with his boxer shorts. He screwed his eyes shut, praying for someone to find them. To stop him._

_"Get off!" Colin shouted, turning his head to the side. He could hear his heart beating in his ears and it almost deafened him._

_The sound of a zip made his throat clench painfully._

_"Wilkes?" A voice called out, causing Colin to freeze._

_"_ Don't make a single sound _." The boy hissed, putting his mouth next to his ear. Colin felt an intense desire to just shout out anything and take the consequences if it meant the boy wouldn't be pressed against him any more._

_"Colin? I know you haven't left yet. I've been waiting outside the changing rooms." The voice said, sounding closer than before._

_Colin knew he had to do something. He slowly balled his hand into a fist and tapped his knuckles against the wall._

Taptap. Tap. Taptap.

_Three beats._

_The code Colin had suggested for an incognito call for help._

_He prayed Damian would recognise it._

_Footsteps stopped right outside the bathroom stall. Colin's arm was twisted further up his back and he let out a small gasp of pain the was quickly stifled by a hand over his mouth._

_Instantly, the stall door was kicked open and Colin felt the body pressed against him be removed. His knees buckled and he sank to the ground, resting his forehead on the wall._

_He saw Damian nerve-strike the boy and drag him out the changing rooms._

_Colin took a few deep breaths to steady himself and stood up, fixed his jeans and staggered over to the sink. He stared at the bowl and retched into it._

_He heard Damian come back in and fixed his gaze on the sink._

_"Colin, are you hurt?" Damian asked._

_"I'm fine." Colin snapped, feeling shame wash over him._

_He hadn't fought back._

_He could easily have fought back._

_If he hadn't been panicking so much._

_"Colin, what happened?" Damian said, watching Colin critically._

_"Just leave me alone."_

 

 

"Are you sure you're alright, Colin?" Damian asked, walking out of the school beside his best friend. 

"I told you Dami, I'm fine." Colin repeated for the hundredth time. "What did you do to that kid when you knocked him out?" He asked, looking at Damian shyly. 

"I simply dragged him to the principal's office and left a note on him that he indecently assaulted another student." Damian replied innocently. "I hope he ends up in Arkham." Damian muttered. 

"Damian, promise me you'll let the authorities deal with this." Colin said, stopping suddenly. Damian paused and found he couldn't meet Colin's eye. 

"He tried to force himself on you." Damian said, as if that would justify it. 

"I told you, I am fine, Damian. You don't need to go after him by yourself." Colin snapped. 

"I've been around Drake long enough to know when someone says they are fine when they aren't." Damian stated, crossing his arms over his chest. In the 6 years of their friendship, he still managed to look threatening like that in-or-out of costume. 

"I've got to get back, Damian. I'll see you tomorrow." Colin said shortly, walking away. 

 

 

A hand was covering his mouth. Suffocating him. 

An invisible force was pinning his arms down. 

He couldn't move. 

Couldn't breathe. 

The walls were closing in. 

A body was pushing against him. Something was tearing at his skin, his clothes. Pulling at his hair. 

A hand was tearing his jeans. 

Palms and fingers were moving across his exposed skin, black trails left behind in their wake. 

Tears streamed down his face.

Claws dug into him so hard he felt droplets of blood form on his skin. 

He wanted to shout out for help. 

Wanted to scream until someone found him. 

Wanted to run away and hide until he was clean again. 

He felt like his lungs were going to collapse. 

He couldn't breathe. 

He was suffocating. 

"Colin? Colin, wake up." He was jolted awake by someone shaking his shoulder. Colin sat bolt upright. His breathing was ragged and his cheeks felt damp. 

Sister Agnes was standing beside his bed, hand resting on his shoulder. Tears continued to spill down Colin's cheeks, falling onto his lap. 

Suddenly, Sister Agnes pulled Colin into a hug, rubbing circles into his back comfortingly. 

"It's okay, Colin. It was just a bad dream." She whispered reassuringly. 

' _Except it wasn't_ ' Colin thought, wiping his eyes roughly. 

 

 

"Excuse me, what room is the self-defence class?" Colin asked the gym receptionist. 

"Just down the hall, third door on the left." The receptionist replied, looking up at him. "Are you picking someone up?" 

"No, I'm- I'm taking the class." Colin said, tucking his hands in his pocket. 

"Oh, my apologies. We don't get many boys taking the classes, is all." The receptionist apologised. 

"It's fine." Colin said, walking down the corridor to the room, self-consciously adjusting his messenger bag. 

It was open and spacious with mirrors lined against the far wall. 

About ten other people were in the room - some warming up with stretches, other getting to know the other people. 

Colin pushed the door open and tried to ignore the look of surprise on a few people's faces. 

"Okay, everyone!" The instructor said, bringing all the attention to him. "Looks like we're all here. Let's start." He said, clapping his hands once and bringing out the floor mats. 

 

 

"Good work everyone. I'll see you next week." The instructor said. A buzz on conversation as everyone began discussing what they learnt. Colin reached into his bag and pulled out a water bottle. He took a long drink and shouldered his bag. 

"Hey, Colin, can I have a word?" The instructor asked, catching Colin just before he left. 

"Sure," Colin said, stepping away from the door, but within sprinting distance. 

"Most of the people that take these classes are female. And usually the reason is because they want to feel safe and they want to know how to defend themselves if the worst should ever happen - in some cases, again." The instructor began, standing casually and relaxed. Unthreatening. 

"Uh huh." Colin agreed, not sure where the conversation was going. 

"So whenever a male takes a self-defence class here, there's usually a specific reason such as a past traumatic event." The instructor continued. Colin felt his throat close up and just nodded his acknowledgement. "Now, I know I may be overstepping a boundary here, but.... Half the battle is being able to talk about it." 

Colin felt the burning behind his eyes and swallowed thickly. 

"Here, there's a hotline which I recommend to any of my students." The instructor pulled a card out of his pocket and handed it to Colin, who held it gingerly in his hand. "Try talking to someone close to you as well. Someone you trust." 

"I'll try." Colin said, tucking the card into his pocket. 

"That's all I'm asking for. I'll see you back here next week." 

Colin nodded and left the room, taking another drink from his water bottle. 

He was thinking over the instructor's words as he left, locked in his own thoughts. 

"Colin?" A female voice said. She had a bright tone and Colin had no trouble placing it. 

"Steph?" Colin replied, looking at the blonde-haired vigilante he sometimes patrolled with alongside Damian. 

"What're you doing at the gym?" Stephanie asked. "I thought you wouldn't need to go." The second half of that sentence was left unsaid. 

"I, uh, decided to take some classes here." Colin admitted, sticking to the half-truths. 

"Oh, I wouldn't have thought Pilates was your thing." Steph teased. 

"I started taking self-defence classes." Colin said. He didn't know why but something about Stephanie's personality and warm presence made it hard for him to not tell the truth. She reminded him of the older girls in the orphanage that watched over the little kids. 

"Oh, why didn't you just ask Damian or Babs to teach you?" Steph said. 

"I-I couldn't." Colin muttered, dropping his gaze to the pavement. 

"Well, if you want someone to practice your newfound skills on, we could set up a sparring tournament." Steph suggested, patting him on the shoulder. 

 

 

"Brown told me you have started taking self-defence lessons." Damian said casually, looking out over the city. His domino mask didn't betray any emotion. Colin looked up at him from his seat on the edge of the roof, tilting his hat up. 

He'd long since abandoned the trench coat (much to Damian's immense relief) and now had a dark brown, kevlar lined leather jacket on, with a brass coloured 'A' stitched onto the upper arms. As usual, he just had a plain white shirt and new jeans that stretched comfortably when he 'hulked' up to Abuse. 

"Yeah." Colin said, watching for any sign of trouble. Damian was silent for a few minutes, his face blank.

"She suggested a sparring tournament as well." Damian spoke up. Colin laughed and he saw the corners of Damian's mouth twitch. "Is this because of what happened...?" Damian's voice adopted a hesitant tone. As if he was afraid Colin would run away if he said the wrong word. 

"I..." Colin started, faltering for a second. "The instructor for the class said that being able to talk about it is half the battle." He said, mostly to himself. 

"Are you ready to talk about it?" Damian asked, sitting on the edge of the roof beside Colin. 

"I _want_ to be." Colin said, looking down at his hands. "But... It was terrifying. I'm still trying to decide if it was more or less terrifying than when Scarecrow _turned_ me." 

"It's okay, Colin." Damian reassured him, gently resting his gloved hand on Colin's knee. The jeans Colin had been wearing _that_ day ended up in a hobo fire less than a day after. 

"I-I wanted to fight back but he cornered me and I was panicking too much to activate the venom. I couldn't breathe and he had me pinned. He held my arms above my head and covered my mouth." Colin said, focusing on his hands. He saw a tear fall onto his lap and quickly wiped his cheek. "I've started having nightmares. Again. But these are worse." 

"It's been under a week. I'm told it takes time to overcome traumas." Damian said, shifting a little closer. 

"I know it takes time. But I've got so many issues already that I just _can't_ deal with this as well." Colin said. "I feel like if I don't just get _over_ this as soon as I can, I'm going to break and I'll never be fixed." 

"Colin," Damian said, resting his hand on Colin's cheek, gently turning his face to look him. "There have been so many times over the years we've known each other. The first time we ever met you surprised me and you displayed great bravery. I know you are strong enough to survive even this." 

" _I_ don't know if I can. Every time I see his face at school I want to run and hide. I don't know if I can handle it." Colin whispered, leaning into Damian's touch. Damian ran his thumb under Colin's eye, wiping the tear marks away.

"This is your fight, but I will be right beside you just like every other fight we've faced." Damian promised. 

"Thank you." Colin said, meeting his eye. 

Damian's lips curved into a soft smile and he gently leaned forwards, pressing his lips against Colin's. 

The kiss was gentle and tender and it took a minute to realise he was, in fact, being kissed. 

And kissed by Damian Wayne, in fact. 

It felt _right_. 

Comforting. 

Like a warm blanket after being in the cold. It was reassuring. 

And a small voice in Colin's gut just whispered ' _we can make it. We always make it_ '.

**Author's Note:**

> 1.800.656.HOPE


End file.
